Trailer Trash

I just saw the trailer for the new Resident Evil game on the DS, it will be called Resident Evil: Revelations because eventually every series has to release something subtitled : Revelations.  Resident Evil seems to be entering the colon noun beginning with R stage of standard sequel nomenclature and will probably be followed up by Resident Evil: Redemption, Resident Evil: Reborn and Resident Evil: Resurgence.  Hopefully the series will continue on the generic sequel naming trajectory and we can look forward to the games such as Resident Evil Colon In LA, Resident Evil Colon In Da Hood and Resident Evil Colon In Space.  Colon Revelations! (coincidentally Stan Lee's pet name for the results of a proctoscopy) will be released for the Nintendo DS and the trailer can be found here.

As the trailer is all pre-rendered we can't tell much about the content of the game but we can deduce that the game will place greater importance on survival horror than some of the more recent Resident Evil games. The trailer asks the viewer "But will she be able to prolong her survival?" and proceeds to demonstrate some of the challenges the player will face.  As well as the typical zombies and threatening pools of goo that the Resident Evil games are famous for, the heroine will have to contend with her own clumsiness and the top screen of the DS being almost completely covered by a thick layer of asymmetrical hair.  This inability to move or see correctly promises to add an extra element of fear to the game.  The game looks to support a range of playing styles, offering players the option to gain a "male gaze" bonus by unzipping her wetsuit however this is a risky strategy as it makes the protagonist vulnerable to enemy attacks, hypothermia and chaffing.

Probably the most exciting feature of the new game is the new protagonist's range of finishing moves.  Whilst Resident Evil 4 featured Leon S Kennedy performing brilliantly over the top wrestling moves and Resident Evil 5 featured Chris Redfield doing something similar but less well executed the heroine of Resident Evil: Generic Subtitle will be able to hurl empty pistols at enemies in a manner resembling a mid-twentieth century goon attacking an indestructible superhero.

Resident Evil Colon The One Before Rampage will be released at some point in the future I won't be playing it as I don't own a DS and doubt I'll buy one.  This has been an exercise in futility, goodbye.