My friend Andy sent me this link (don't click on the link or any of the others if you don't want to see an un-bloodied, apparently pain free duck impaled with a crossbow bolt) today about a duck being shot with a crossbow in Barnsley. The duck was, if not fine, well enough to avoid being caught by the RSPCA. Apparently this mallard is Rambo. Anyway when I finished reading the article I noticed the related stories box at the bottom of the page.
So two more ducks have been shot with crossbows, in Lincolnshire and Derby. I read these articles and found a similar story reported in Cornwall. In total the BBC has reported six incidents of crossbow attacks on ducks, in Herefordshire and Leamington Spa in addition to those listed above. The RSPCA reports an additional duck being crossbowed in Cheshire, I have no idea why the beeb failed to cover this story. Eight ducks were shot and two were killed. Ducks really are crossbow proof.
I'm not sure why I'm writing this, I guess mostly out of surprise at the number of duck crossbowings I've just discovered. Who knew that all across the UK people are united by there shared love of using medieval weapons to spectacularly inconvenience mallards? At least I hope that's the case, what if it's all one person? What if it's one shadowy individual biding his time, spreading his crimes over years and hundreds of miles to hide his guilt, perhaps conducting some satanic ritual? Why do I feel like I've only uncovered one dark corner of a massive web of water foul murder?
It's because I've watched too many serial killer movies, that's why.
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