What the Duck?!

My friend Andy sent me this link (don't click on the link or any of the others if you don't want to see an un-bloodied, apparently pain free duck impaled with a crossbow bolt) today about a duck being shot with a crossbow in Barnsley.  The duck was, if not fine, well enough to avoid being caught by the RSPCA.  Apparently this mallard is Rambo.  Anyway when I finished reading the article I noticed the related stories box at the bottom of the page.

So two more ducks have been shot with crossbows, in Lincolnshire and Derby.  I read these articles and found a similar story reported in Cornwall.  In total the BBC has reported six incidents of crossbow attacks on ducks, in Herefordshire and Leamington Spa in addition to those listed above.  The RSPCA reports an additional duck being crossbowed in Cheshire, I have no idea why the beeb failed to cover this story.  Eight ducks were shot and two were killed.  Ducks really are crossbow proof.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this, I guess mostly out of surprise at the number of duck crossbowings I've just discovered.  Who knew that all across the UK people are united by there shared love of using medieval weapons to spectacularly inconvenience mallards?  At least I hope that's the case, what if it's all one person?  What if it's one shadowy individual biding his time, spreading his crimes over years and hundreds of miles to hide his guilt, perhaps conducting some satanic ritual?  Why do I feel like I've only uncovered one dark corner of a massive web of water foul murder?

It's because I've watched too many serial killer movies, that's why.

Suspicions

First let me apologise for neglecting the blog, now let's talk current affairs.

Sean Hoare is dead.  The man who spoke publicly to the New York Times about the News of The World hacking phones and caused the scandal that has swallowed the British media like a particularly tasty looking prophet on a disastrous trip to the Sea Life centre, was found dead yesterday.  According to the guardian website "The death is currently being treated as unexplained but not thought to be suspicious.  Police investigations into this incident are ongoing."

I’m definitely not saying I think he was murdered by News International.  I have no intention of libeling Rupert Murdoch, especially if he has assassins on his payroll, which I’m sure he doesn’t, probably.  I am not an insane paranoid conspiracy theorist, like Mel Gibson in that movie, but I don't I deny historical events, like Mel Gibson in real life.  So I’m going to wait and see what the police investigation has to say.

However

How can the police say the death is “not thought to be suspicious”?  A man dies suddenly after embarrassing one of the most powerful men in the world, causing him to shut down Britain's best selling Sunday "newspaper" and abandon his bid to take over BSkyB.  Surely anyone who hears this story wonders is whether the Murdochs had him killed.  How can the police not think it’s suspicious?  Have they never watched movies or read thrillers or played Deus Ex on their dad’s PC after school? 

Again I’m not saying that the met should rush around to Murdoch towers and arrest the weather-beaten Antipodean supervillain, but how can anyone with an imagination not find Sean Hoare’s death suspicious?  There could be a perfectly natural explanation for Hoare’s death, and I hope there is, but it seems suspicious in my ill-informed opinion and I hope Hoare’s death receives a full and rigorous investigation.