Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Day 3 A game that is underrated

Hogs of War PSone/PC

Hogs of War is a brilliant turn based comedy strategy game about pigs (all voiced by Rik Mayall) from a range of national stereotypes fighting for control of the punderful archipelago of Saustralasia.  It’s as awesome as it sounds, I'm astonished that it's not on more "greatest games ever" lists.

Tragically Hogs of War has never had a sequel, presumable the only reason for this being the game designers couldn’t think what to do.  So to help them out I’ve thought up a bunch of ideas for the developers Atari, all I ask in return is a thanks credit on the game, oh and 50% of all pig related profits. 

Gears of Hogs of War
The problem with the first game was the emphasis on jokes and whimsy over gritty violence.  In this reinvention the player leads a squad of four Pigs who have to overcome their tortured path to murder their way across the post apocalyptic world of Swineingrad.  Rather than the conforming to broadly comedic national stereotypes each of the War Hogs(TM) represents one of the classic war movie squad archetypes such as heroic hog, tinned spam (the only member of the team with a helmet who paradoxically has the shortest health bar) and racially dubious pig.  The game will be psychopathically gory and as such unsuitable for children, it will be advertised at them anyway.  Rik Mayall’s will no longer voice the game, having being replaced by Lance Henriksen, or Sean Pertwee if he’s too expensive.

Animal Farmville
The player is Napoleon, having recently won the battle of the cowshed they must micromanage every aspect of animal farm.  Command other animals to farm and gather resources.  Carefully control the building of the windmill whilst maintaining order amongst the farm’s population.  Unleash savage dogs on your enemies.  Animal Farmville will be in continuity with Hogs of War as explained by a unnecessarily convoluted tie in comic miniseries, which will benefit both franchises.  This exciting farming sim/political allegory will retain Rik Mayall’s voice over.

Hogs of Total War
Replace the boring old-fashioned turn based combat with hip and trendy Real Time combat, man.  Players carefully manage armies of hogs in a risk like game of strategy over a pig shaped map before leading massive hordes of pig soldiers across beautifully realised HD landscapes.  Historical accuracy is vitally important to this game of warring pigs so Hogs of Total war will take place during the golden age of football hooliganism.  

Reinventing the dogfighting game using turn based combat!  Players take it in turn to clumsily navigate their biplanes in attacking runs against their strangely stationary opponents.  All the fun of a traditional flight simulator with half the interactivity. 

From the development team behind We Dare this (CENSORED)

Give me a call Atari any of these could be the best game ever.  

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